Excuses!!
6 Comments - 14284 Views
just a bunch of excuses
Submitted By dinamicdiamond on 10/06/04
HumorAmerica, dinamicdiamond, Documents 

 

Excuses.

These are all excuses used in real life.

~

School Excuses~

"LETTERS TO THE TEACHER".  These are actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling errors)

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.  

Dear School: Excuses, Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

 Please excuse Jackie for not having her homework she was a little under the weatherman, and there was a big flurry in Central America

Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won't start so I had to send it back to Salem for repairs!

My daughter will not be in class today because she cracked her head and went to the hospital her brain will be removed and switched so please excuse her I advise you not to give her homework for about two months, thank you.  This one was actually used by a 11 year old girl 

Please excuse Gordy from school today, he left his brain on the subway.

I didn't come to school because...

"One day, a friend of mine and I were late for school, as usual, and we knew that the normal "alarm clock not going off" excuse would not work. It only works so many times, you know, so we came up with something a little different...

We said that I left the headlights on my car on all night, and when we got up the next morning, my batteries were dead. Well, my friend then said that her car was in the shop, so we couldn't take it, and both our parents had already left for work. So, we said that my parents, who both worked close, were unable to leave work, and that the only person we could reach was her mother, who was at least 45 miles away. We then said that when she arrived at my house, we had NO jumper cables, so we had to go buy some so she could boost my battery and we could get to school. I think the Vice Principle bought it only because it was so outrageous. "

Sorry, while I was on my way to school I met an old man who thought he was my grandfather and kept trying to talk to me.

I didn't hand in my 3000 word essay because I spilled my senakot and had to wipe it up and I picked up what I thought was kitchen roll.

Police Excuse

A few friends of mine and I had been out all night and suddenly got a craving for some Krispy Kreme donuts.  Among the four of us, we managed to come up with barely enough to buy a dozen (we had just been to the mall and blown all of our paychecks).  We had just pulled back on to I-264 (speed limit 55 mph) and were doing about 75.  Being as we were trying to pry open the box, we didn't notice the Camaro sitting on the shoulder of the road.  The cop pulled us over and walked over to the window.  Before he could say anything my friend said, "Good evening officer.  Would you care for a donut?"  The cop didn't say one word.  He just took the whole box from my friend, got back in to his car, and drove off.  Needless to say we were relieved to have not gotten a ticket, but the guy could have at least left us a single donut.

What in the world...

One time I was in a small elevator and I farted it was so bad smelling I couldn't stand it my self, and then I gave the other people in the elevator with me the how gross look as if they did it or something when on the inside I was cracking up I couldn't wait to get off the elevator and let out a huge laugh.

  I live opposite a Service Station (Petrol station or whatever you refer to it as over in the States?) I went across and filled the car up with gas then went inside and paid the attendant. However, instead of getting back into the car and driving back home...I left the service station and walked home, leaving the car behind. It didn't dawn on me until I'd been home for a brief period of time that something was wrong and then I clicked! I'd gone and left the car behind. I sheepishly went back across the road to collect my car and got an ear-full of laughter from the attendant and his cohorts. Needless to say that every time I go back to get either gas or other items of necessity I now get a response of "Are you sure you haven't forgotten anything?"" from the attendants with a friendly grin. (I still haven't had the courage to tell my wife about this little memory lapse episode - hehehe)

Food?

I ran out of Total and had to eat 12 bowls of Wheaties. Do you know how long it takes to eat 12 bowls of Wheaties?

But the doughnut was calling my name.

But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

If you put your food, be it cake or vegetables, on a treadmill before you eat it, it has less calories. Shape it up anyway you want.

Excuses Excuses....

I am sorry I missed our appointment today. I was driving my daughter to day care when she opened an umbrella in the back seat, hitting me in the back of the head with it. This shocked me so much I drove off the road and hit a tree. I am now at the hospital and may be released by tomorrow morning." 

Please excuse me for not filling your order. I must get the manager. You see, I can not find the picture of your hamburger on the register.

Please excuse me for not being able to submit in excuse to your Excuse Page, every time I tried to submit it the server wouldn't respond so I gave up!

Today has been cancelled because of lack of interest!

I can't -- I have to stay home and rearrange my sock drawer.

My Grandma got her arm caught in the microwave.

My brother dropped acid, and freaked out, and hijacked a busload of penguins.

I have to wax my cat.

This was an excuse told to my mother when she had asked him at age 9 what had happened to his new coat he had gotten for Christmas and two days later it had rips in it. Teary eyed he said "Mom there was a huge raccoon and I was eating an ice cream cone and I guess he was pretty hungry cause he tackled me and clung to my back and I fell to the ground and it stole it and ate it and ran off." --truth he was playing at his friends farm and crawled under a barbed wire fence!

I can't come in today because while I was writing a list of possible excuses I could use to not come in, I got a writer's cramp around #98!

~

so ya that's it.

Threaded Hybrid Flat 6 Comments
Re: Excuses!!
2 days - 6,410v
Posted 2010/06/05 - 4:37 GMT
ROFL these are classic! I love the donut one! 8D
Re: Excuses!!
1 week - 24,924v
Posted 2010/06/07 - 2:22 GMT
Wow...
Re: Excuses!!
2 days - 5,444v
Posted 2010/07/05 - 6:57 GMT
BAM!
Re: Excuses!!
1 week - 16,790v
Posted 2010/07/05 - 19:12 GMT
Excuses are liek Butts. . . . everyone has them and they all stink.-Kung-Fu teacher
Re: Excuses!!
1 week - 24,177v
Posted 2010/07/06 - 11:35 GMT
ROFL
Re: Excuses!!
32 minutes - 78v
Posted 2012/07/05 - 10:27 GMT
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Threaded Hybrid Flat 6 Comments

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