Chuck Norris Jokes 2
1 Comments - 5872 Views
Dun dun duuuuuuuuun.
Submitted By MoRbEuS_2142 on 10/07/09
HumorAmerica, MoRbEuS_2142, Documents 

(For mah first Chuck Norris post, go here!)
 
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
 
"Icy-Hot" is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
 
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
 
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
 
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
 
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
 
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
 
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
 
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
 
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
 
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
 
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
 
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
 
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
 
When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
 
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
 
If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
 
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
 
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
 
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
 
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
 
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
 
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.
 
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
 
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
 
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
 
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
 
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
 
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
 
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
 
When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
 
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
 
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
 
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
 
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
 
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
 
Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
 
The only time Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double is when there's a crying scene.
 
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole punch.
 
Chuck Norris can start a fire with two ice cubes.
 
Chuck Norris got into a fight with Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside. Guess who lost.
 
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
 
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his own two hands.
 
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a big wheel.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, he's already following you.
 
Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
 
When scissors are young, they're taught that it's not safe to run with Chuck Norris.
 
Geico just saved 200 million dollars by switching to Chuck Norris.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't breath. Oxygen hides in his lungs for protection.
 
Chuck Norris knows when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so PLAY DEAD for goodness sake!
 
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly as foolish as to attack him.
 
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
 
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
 
Chuck Norris puts the "Fun" in "Funeral".
 
Chuck Norris's mother has a tattoo that says "Son".

Threaded Hybrid Flat 1 Comments
Re: Chuck Norris Jokes 2
1 hour - 247v
Posted 2010/07/13 - 17:04 GMT
Chuck Norris can Chuck more Chuck than a WoodChuck Can Chuck!

Threaded Hybrid Flat 1 Comments

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